If All Commercials Were Like Campaign Ads

With elections looming nearer and nearer, I can't help but come across campaign ads constantly, whether on the little amount of TV I watch or on YouTube or a similar site.  And, of course, I have to begin daydreaming and think ridiculous thoughts, like:

What if all commercials were like campaign ads?

Well, let's start with a kind of commercial I see almost every day: McDonald's.  The end would most likely sound like this:

Happy female voice: McDonald's.  I'm lovin' it.

Deep male voice: I am Ronald McDonald and I approve this message.

It really detracts from the whole effect, doesn't it?

Another commercial I've been noticing a lot on YouTube is one for this kind of gum.  I don't pay much attention to it, so I can't remember the brand, but if it were like a campaign ad, this is how it would end:

Mysterious male voice: <Brand of gum>.  Stimulate your senses.  Now in micro packs.

Wheezy voice: I am the creator of this gum and I approve this message.

Now that makes you reconsider buying the gum, huh?

Or, let's say a a Lysol wipes commercial.  Instead of promoting its product, why doesn't it attack Clorox instead?  Because, you know, candidates do that and it works reeeeally well!

"So you think Clorox does a good job disinfecting your sticky table?  Yeah, right.  Look at Lysol!  Used by millions of people around in the country, it works so much better than Clorox!  And you know what?  Of all the things that happen on your germy surfaces, disinfecting is one of them, and Clorox just won't cut it.  StatisticsaremerelyestimatesandanyunsatisfactoryresultscomparedtoCloroxarenottheprovidersfault.  Paid for by Lysol!"

Ooh, let's stick a hurried disclaimer in there too and round if off with that campaign-like vibe!  That'll really make people by our product!


Or two major fast food corporations with popular mascots: McDonald's and Jack in the Box:


"Have you ever taken a good look at Ronald McDonald?  Of course not, because he's so ugly!  He has so much ugly white clown makeup - no, my having a white sphere as a head doesn't count as ugly, not in the slightest - and weird lipstick!  And his clothes!  Ugh!  They're all ugly and yellow!  At least I wear suitable attire!  So go to Jack in the Box instead of McDonald's and support a mascot who actually has fashion sense."


At least with that ad you can tell which perspective it's from.  Sometimes, with presidential campaign ads, I have trouble deciphering which person it's supporting until the end.
There's one especially, and I still don't know because I skip it after the first five seconds every time, but it starts out with a list of what one candidate would do during his first day of presidency.  But the thing is . . . I don't know if it's saying, "See, isn't that to-do list awesome?" or "Isn't that terrible?"  Because the opposing candidate doesn't like those ideas, so if the list was made to horrify or entrance people, I have no idea!  I suggest you make your point clear at the very beginning, dear ad-makers, because it reduces confusion.  Don't save clarification until the end.




So my point?  I don't honestly have a specific one, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that these campaign ads really annoy me and I'll be glad when November's over.  Because right now, I can't even rant about McDonald's ads irk me, since campaign ads surpass McDonald's commercials in annoyingness.  By far.




Note: This post was written solely to entertain, and I apologize if any offense was taken during my insulting of Ronald McDonald and Clorox.  I have nothing against both and was merely using them as examples.